Unfiltered: When God Defines Beauty

They say, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

But let’s be honest, in today’s world, the “beholder” is often Instagram, TikTok, or a man who learned beauty standards from music videos and airbrushed magazine covers.

What was beautiful last decade is “basic” this year. Curves were “too much” in the ‘90s; now they’re the aesthetic. Natural hair was once considered “unprofessional,” but now it’s “on trend.” Thin brows, thick brows, fillers, BBLs, it’s a carousel that never stops spinning.

And in the middle of it all stands you, a woman trying to figure out if you should wear makeup or go natural, cut your hair or let it grow, love your B-cup or “upgrade.” Whether to try Botox, stick with face cream, or just let God’s timeline unfold gracefully on your skin.

We’ve been trained to ask, “Am I enough?” when the real question should be, “Enough for whom?”

I’ve spent my life surrounded by women at home, in college, in church, in hair salons, nail spas, gyms, airplanes, and beauty always finds its way into the conversation. And too often, it circles back to a man’s opinion.

In my twenties, I joked that before I got married, I’d give my fiancé a PowerPoint presentation, yes, slides and all, explaining what a woman’s body actually goes through: stress, hormones, pregnancy, postpartum, premenopause, menopause, and plain-old aging. Because let’s be honest, many men have unrealistic expectations. Social media and television have exacerbated the issue.

Men scroll through filtered photos and think that’s real life. They see actresses playing 25 at 45 and assume women just “age better now.” They watch influencers with personal trainers, cosmetic surgeons, and perfect lighting, and somehow expect that from everyday women.

And then, to top it off, some men don’t even pursue the women they’re genuinely attracted to. They chase who their friends say is desirable. Yes, there are grown men with “scoring systems,” ranking women as if it were a sport. That’s not attraction, that’s insecurity in disguise.

Now, let’s be clear, not all men are like this. There are good, God-fearing, emotionally intelligent men who see beyond the surface, who love women for their essence, not their edit. It’s the “red-pill” crowd and the insecure ones, the ones too afraid to love who they actually like, that create this chaos. They don’t need enemies; their own immaturity does the work for them.

And sadly, many women have absorbed this culture so profoundly that we end up turning on each other and competing, hating, and resenting other women not because of real conflict, but for the sake of male approval. We compare, criticize, and tear down sisters God called us to uplift. We forget that her shine doesn’t dim yours; it just means God’s spotlight is big enough for both.

Let’s call it what it is: a trap. A spiritual distraction. Because when we’re busy comparing ourselves to other women, we’re not walking in the confidence of our divine design.

And here’s the truth: there’s nothing more magnetic than a woman grounded in her own respect. A woman who takes care of her mind, body, and spirit not for validation, but out of love for herself. A woman who can celebrate another woman’s glow without questioning her own. A woman who honors God first, herself second, and never settles for crumbs disguised as affection.

We are not incidental. In the Garden of Eden, God didn’t create Eve as an accessory; He made her essential. Adam needed her. Scripture reminds us, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect… so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7). That’s not poetic, it’s divine law. God literally ties a man’s prayers to how he treats his wife.

So why are we still bending ourselves backward for people who won’t even bend their knees in prayer?

Let’s stop letting men, media, and algorithms define our beauty. The world celebrates the visible youth, symmetry, and filters, but heaven celebrates the eternal grace, purpose, peace, and strength.

No matter your age, your scars, your stretch marks, your story, you are beautiful. God handcrafted you intentionally. You don’t need validation from someone who doesn’t even know their own worth.

And for the record, I’m not a feminist. I’m simply a woman who has traveled, listened, and lived enough to hear many perspectives from women and men alike. I’ve seen what happens when love gets reduced to appearances instead of being anchored in purpose.

So, let go of the pressure. Let go of the competition. Let go of the crumbs.

Your worth was settled at the Cross, not on social media.

Let God define your beauty because His version never goes out of style.